Falling Down
by SherbetKitty
Summary: Lisa Cuddy had never wanted anything more in her life and when it is taken away, she decides that she's tired of falling down. Spoilers for 5x06 - Joy. ONESHOT.


Disclaimer: Um. Not mine. I wish, though.

A/N: Eh. Kinda based on my feelings on not getting a position as a Senior Executive Officer. I really wanted the position and you needed to be a SEO before you could try out for School Captain/Vice. Sigh. Stupid popularity votes. Um, yeah. Whatever. Hope you feel like you can sorta relate to this feeling. Title taken from the song 'Falling Down' by Selena Gomez. Totally irrelevant to the story, but I was listening to it when I wrote this.

* * *

She knew her red eyes gave her away.

She hated herself for closing off from the world by hiding in her office.

But that was all she wanted to do.

Lisa Cuddy had fled the room as fast as she could in her heels, holding back her tears until she had reached the safety of her office, where she locked herself in and pulled down the blinds. She had flung herself onto her couch, kicking off her shoes in the process. She didn't care about how messy her hair was going to be, or how wrinkled her skirt would look.

She hoped House would have the decency to not pick the lock at her door so she would be left alone. She hoped the phone wouldn't ring so she wouldn't have to answer with a shaky voice. She hoped that there would be no emergencies that would require her attention so she wouldn't have to get up and think. She hoped for a miracle to happen.

Lisa Cuddy now knew that she was never meant to be a mother. She had tried IVF countless times and had failed miserably. She thought she could fulfil her dream by adopting, but it was not meant to be. Less than ten minutes ago, Lisa Cuddy felt like her heart had been ripped out yet again by Becca, a young woman who was lost and confused and just wanted a good home for her baby. She had chosen Lisa, who was over the moon and excited to see her dream coming true. But at the very last second, Becca had changed her mind and Lisa's world had changed yet remained the same.

The baby she had named 'Joy' was not going to be hers after all. Lisa felt like an idiot for getting her hopes up. She was so proud of herself for overcoming the gossip and disapproval of certain people, but now, she supposed they were right. She had never wanted anymore more in her life, but just couldn't have it. She stretched out along the couch, staring blankly at the ceiling, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Lisa wondered what she had done wrong to deserve this. She was a nice person, beautiful and intelligent. She had studied hard, worked hard, and she had a suitable home. It was as though the world was mocking her, knowing what she wanted yet keeping it just out of reach. Lisa didn't know if there was anyone to blame. It was unfair, but she knew that Becca keeping her baby would be good for her, although it did not stop her from feeling like a failure.

The tears had stopped and her eyes felt dry. Lisa let out a shuddering sigh as she tried to gain her breath. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of a stuffed toy sitting on the bookshelf. She stared at it sadly and felt her tears start up again. Lisa let out a frustrated growl, hiccuping and coughing as she did so.

She slowly got up and attempted to straighten out her skirt. She made a painful walk to the bathroom and her bottom lip quivered when she saw her dishevelled appearance in the mirror. Taking in a deep, quivering breath, she reached for her make up bag. With a steady hand, she leaned in close to the mirror and covered up the tearstains, the evidence of her pain and longing. Lisa was going to see baby Joy one last time to say goodbye. She was nervous and afraid and she was worried that she couldn't pull away, but she felt like she had to do it.

She knew that her heart could not take any more pain and so, she was giving up. She had consistently gotten her hopes up and she fell down every single time. She was finished. She would visit Joy and that would be the end of it.

Lisa Cuddy was done falling down.

A/N: So, she gives up and we all know what happens after that. Leave a comment?


End file.
